4 years ago today.
i miss you a lot yunjin. even though you’re gone, you’ve inspired me so much to become who i am today and to become even better than the person i am right now. you were always the one who helped me adjust to big changes. i dunno if i’d love korea as much as i do now if you hadnt talked me out of being an emo, self-centered mess. and i dunno if i’d value goodbyes so highly if it wasnt for you. i wish you were here to talk to me about college and the future. things are really scary and confusing right now. but i know i’ll be fine. watch over me okay? :)
recently, you’ve inspired me to start a service trip. i’m determined to go back to manila this winter with anyone who wants to come with me, whether thats just 1 or 50 other people. dont care if they’re not christian. its not even about that. with everything i’ve been given, its time i went out and loved on others for a change.
lately i’ve been reading the tipping point by one of my FAV writers, malcolm gladwell. the material he writes on always challenges the way i think of myself and society and the chapter that i just read is really making me think about my personality.
before my friends came up with OG4, we called ourselves APES (dunno why we felt we needed a name lol but yay for memories!) , an acronym where each letter stood for the personality of one of us. mine was the A which stood for “analytical”. every single time i do a personality test, i basically always get the answer that means something like that. and i guess i am, no matter how much it bothers me (ahah probably the reason for these long tumblr posts about nothing). i always analyze things way more than i should. like when texting, the usage of LOL or a smiley or a . is important to me and when i receive texts i examine the emotion of the person i got it from by looking at the way the text is written and comparing it to the way that they usually write when they are happy or pissed or busy. wow…makes me sound like a freak when i break it down into exact processes. but its kind of something i do subconsciously? similar to when you react to a line from a book because of the precise sentence syntax or diction that the author chose in order to convey the certain emotion u feel. im pretty sure everyone does this lol but i guess i do it more? ahah i dunno :)
no matter how much i think about it i dont think i’m a connector, maven, salesmen, or sender. i’m not trying to be negative or anything. just being real when analyzing my own personality i guess. i’m not exactly an “information bank” or particularly good at persuading people or displaying my emotions or maintaining interest & connections with my acquaintances. so that basically makes me an ordinary person who doesnt really influence people :/ saddd…well. at least now i know and i can strive to be more like each of these types of people :D more emotive, more motivated to help people, more educated, more willing to make friends with DIFFERENT people and step into different worlds :)Ahah I think too much…
these are in no particular order and only include places that i wanna go to that i havent been to yet! :)
SPAIN! barcelona & madrid
MAYAN RUINS! in…Tulum, Mexico i think!
vivibyeon —> ummm its my name loll. nothing more.
blib.blob.blab. —> just a reference to the weird sounds i make when fumbling over my thoughts :)
woke up various times today…at 8:30. then 9:45…then 10..and then 11.
rolled around in bed for like 3 mins and then went to my moms room to ask her what the plan was for today. walked back into my room and told creehan that we were gonna eat pancakes. yayyyyy. after waiting for my mom to make the pancakes, i proceeded to eat 2 pancakes with a glass of milk. deliciousss. then we took a nice long walk to ralphs to buy the items that my mom asked us to purchase: bananas, thinly cut bagels, red&yellow cherries, 2% milk, and OJ with moderate pulp. we walked back home and then sat on the couch with my brother who was watching pokemon on the computer. we started comparing the different pokemon lands and the difference in the OG ash, misty, and brock voices and their voices now :( we watched 2 episodes of the OG season of pokemon, back when the pokemon names & characters were creative, and while we were in the middle of the jigglypuff episode we had to leave. got in the car and drove for…about an hour to pick up my cousin who came to cali by himself because he wanted to experience america but got too bored in norcal looking at colleges so decided to come to socal early. ahahah. then dropped off cree at her grandmas and then picked up my grandma from the airport! YAYYYY. then we drove back down to irvine, ate a delicious korean dinner with no meat… :( instead there was some weird red…fish egg thing. gahhhhhh…blehh. but everything else was good! the whole family went out to take a walk around our apartment complex and we showed them the pool, gym, and the club house :D THEN after i played & lost about 10 games of speed with my brother, i went to the gym for an hour. then took a shower. talked to my grandma for a bit. drank water. went on the computer. waited for my friend to get online and now i’m writing this tumblr post before i go to sleep :D OH and i texted a lot during the day. yayyyyyy interesting convos :)
i dunno why anyone would take the time to read this… but if you do, well…YOU’RE COOL! :D gahhhhhhh so tired……
- clapping/saying “yayyy”. everything deserves a celebratory action! :)
- food! eating a lot, eating new foods, making food. ANYTHING&EVERYTHING! :D
- smiley faces :) :) :) :D
- taking walks to appreciate my surroundings. ex: walks on a beach, mountain, school campus (UCLA IS BEAUTIFULLL), field, moonlit night, or a bright sunny day
- hanging out with friends! whether its 1 or 10 :D
- spontaneity. order is good too. but you need to occasional spontaneous urge to keep life interesting
- GOOD CONVERSATIONS! one of life’s amazing perks :) can make any crappy day great.
- DOGS! sooo cuteee and fun loving :)
- MASSAGES & when people touch my hair or links arms with me. just most forms body contact i guess…please dont think of me as a freak -_____-
- really good hugs/perfect high 5s (“someone” thinks i suck at doing both of these things and maybe i do but i do appreciate them when i do it well! or like when someone hugs you when you’re crying. or when you’re super excited about something and you receive the perfect high5 and your life is PERFECT x 100000)
- Penguins. so scary……..
- beds that have been pre-warmed by body heat
- flexing -_____-
- rainy, humid days. sighhh korean summers :(
- cats. FREAKING SCARYYYY. especially at night!
- know-it-alls. or people who think that they have everyone figured out…if theres anything i’ve learned from college, its that people are capable of constantly surprising you.
- disrespectful people…just cant stand it.
- talking about…height. enough said
- packing/unpacking…it takes me YEARS because i just think about stuff loll. i talk about it in a previous post :)
- throwing things away :( I CANT DO ITTT. i keep EVERYTHINGGGG. so bad…
- my legal name is young vivian byeon…long story -___-
- favorite color is TEAL
- i have a little brother who is 6 years younger than me
- i tend to accumulate nicknames: viv, vivi, vivsran, FTBN, notorious v.i.v., tinybyeon, bibimyun, BBQ, bibimbab, and various other korean ones that make fun of my last name :’(
- was born in virginia, moved to boston in 2nd grade, to korea in 7th grade, and now LA for college :)
- i love food, laughing, family/friends, singing, and God :D
mmm thats all i can think of right now loll. whats supposed to count as “basic” anyway -____-…
GAH BEEN WORKING ON THIS POST SINCE LAST THURSDAY AND I’M NOT EVEN CLOSE TO FINISHING WRITING THINGS TO EVERYONE I WANT TO SAY BUT I GIVE UP…i’ll add stuff later i guess!
bittersweet. thats really all that sums up the way i feel right now. so FREAKING glad to be done with finals but on the otherhand i’m really sad that i wont get to see my ucla friends for a while :( this year has been nothing short of AMAZING. i got to experience so many new things and God really did give me the opportunity to become more open-minded. i met so many people who are different from me in what they believe and are passionate about and its been really inspiring. i’ve changed my mind about a lot of things while still keeping to most of my values. as cliche as it sounds, college really did (and i hope will continue to) show me who i am. like who i enjoy spending time with, what bugs me, what i value, what i need to focus on, and all that good stuff :) i dont think i really regret anything because everything has been a learning experience for me, even my mistakes. they say that ever year of college feels faster than the one before it. so just be sure to enjoy EVERY moment of it because it will never come back.
i’m also really, REALLY sad that i didnt get to bye to certain people which always makes me feel really iffy. theres also a lot of things i didnt say to people because…mm i dunno! so here are a bunch of things that i want to say to a lot of people RIGHT NOW. most of the people probably wont see this but if they do…hopefully they’ll know who they are/bother to actually read this! :D
1) how different would my life have been if i hadn’t gone to orientation session 103. unbelievably different. probably wouldnt have become your friend and have met so many norcal people if it wasnt for you. for SO many things i’m grateful to you for :) even though i can act bipolar and be mean and i dunno just not be that friendly at times, thanks for still sticking with me. BUT please, learn to not take so much crap from people, EVEN ME. and express your opinions more because thats what makes you unique! i’ll be praying that next year we’ll be able to be better friends and that you’ll be able to find clubs that you’re passionate about and lots of friends that are different from us :) lovee you no matter what you do (SERIOUSLY)
2) spring quarter would have been COMPLETELY different if i hadnt had become close to you. you make me laugh SO much and i love how our conversations can go on for HOURS without becoming boring. thank you for listening to my rants and attempting to cheer me with your interesting sense of humor. AHAHAH mann words can not express our relationship :) i hope that we’ll continue to stay close in the future!
3) we could seriously not be any more different. and even though i dont agree with most of what you say to me i really do appreciate that you look out for me (most of the time). i enjoy the deep conversations that we do have and i hope we have more in the future :) even though you can be a douche a times, i’m glad that you take the time to snap out of it and just be real. and i guess the douchyness is real too…better than being 2faced i guess! LOLLL
4) ahaha i’m SO thankful that i lived just 3 doors down from you this year. you were ALWAYS there for everything. whether it was when i needed tape, to talk to someone, or just to chill/sing/rap, you were there and i thank you SO much for just taking the time to listen to me and spend time with me. i know i’m not always super fun :) i know you’re struggling with some stuff and i KNOW that you arent christian, but i am definitely and ALWAYS praying for you and i’m always free to talk when you need it (even though we arent gonna be floormates next year. SADFACEEEE). i’m SURE that you’ll find something that you’ll retain more than a 5min interest in. YOU CAN DO IT!
5) just gonna keep this short but you are probably like LEGIT my best friend here at ucla. i know my stories can be boring sometimes and you have fallen asleep while i’m talking to you but just…thanks for caring and spending time with me! i thoroughly enjoy going on walks, watching movies, and just hanging out with you :) even though i’m pretty sure theres not a conversation between us during which i am not made fun of AND you can be pretty gross at times, thanks for making me smile :D
6) i didnt get to spend that much time with you this quarter but getting to know you during winter quarter was SERIOUSLY AMAZING! i love how you are so down to earth and easy to talk to. i so admire your hardworking-ness and how involved you are with everything here, whether its with your marching band or your frat! your cheery attitude is seriously contagious and i cant WAIT to spend the next 3 years with youuu :) and thank the lordd that we are both in the sproul next year! YAYYYYY!
and i’m sure this week will be:
i really am trying to stay positive but FAILING ALL AROUNDDD WOOHOOO
just. be. done. now. thanks.
every word is sacred. moments blissfully wasted. i sit here while I…
i’m crying out your name but the sound, it dissipates. it wont stop ringing in my ears. and i stand on solid group until again you find your way back to me here.
for now, you somehow make my heart stop, upon this lonely rooftop until you’re here again.
SIDE NOTE: i love ONE on ONEs and today was just filled with great ones with unexpected people :) thanks guys for making me laugh before i dive into finals!
i have the best friends and family that a person could ask for. enough said :)
today was SUCH a good day. i cant help but smiling when i think about all the great people i know and how fun it is to just play silly games and write them cards and ALL THIS GREAT STUFF! AHHHHFJJEL:KDJF!!! although we had a little “hazing” fiasco, i’m sure everything will work out for the best :D and YAY for having a friends marathon at 12am! ahahah always the besttt.
cant wait for tomorrow as well! my mom is coming and i get to lead my first rehearsal for RV! ahhhh kinda worried for the second one but you know what, its going to be GOOD. i really need to stop worrying.
mmm. the past few days have been just AMAZINGxAMAZINGxAMAZING! i think i’m finally out of “life is so blahhh” phase because the whole day is just smile-worthy. TIME TO MAKE THE LAST DAYS OF THE QUARTER THE BEST EVER!!! letttttssssssssgooooooo
our broken past replaced in a second chance
the atmosphere is changing
say what they want, we are free :)